On a crisp, golden autumn day, the Sevens assembled at Folkestone Optimist Hockey Club, uncharacteristically early, and suspiciously cheerful. Rumour has it the lure of caffeine (and Messy’s trademark hot chocolate with glittery sprinkles) had something to do with it.

Spirits were high, especially after the team’s heartfelt tribute to their fallen comrade Paul “Luce” Gordon, a moment of silence that somehow ended louder than the Red Roses crowd at a World Cup final. After a proper warm-up (and some theatrical stretching), the Sevens took to the field. A lost coin toss left them squinting into the November sun against an opposition – Blackheath & Elthamians Highwaymen, who were in a plundering mood.

But Jonno ‘The Fronz’ Ghaemian wasn’t fazed and, from the whistle had his sights set on goal. Standing tall at the top of the circle like Nelson on his column, he barked orders to Riley “WPR” Gordon and Matt “Mjölnir” Carter. One perfect pass, one dummy, and one thunderous strike later - boom! 1–0 in seconds. The opposition, stunned, looked to try and regroup, clearly not expecting this sort of welcome.

Before the opposition could even blink, Simon “Gizmo” Baker nicked the ball and fed Dan “The Mule” Kennedy, who slipped a pinpoint pass to Mjölnir, reverse hit, top bins to extend the home side’s lead to 2–0. This was true textbook Sevens magic.

The lads were flying now, their 'rigorously trained' skills (cheers, Ross and Lard) on full display as they sensed blood in the air. But then the sun, ever the drama queen, blinded them just long enough for a defensive error and for the visitors to sneak one in: 2–1.

The Sevens responded instantly. A Mule-earned penalty corner (he insists it was skill) saw Messy pull off a series of stick tricks so dazzling they should’ve come with a Vegas light show. Bang! 3–1. Mother Nature, still jealous of all the attention, blinded the Sevens again and with a gap opening between midfield and defence saw Blackheath take advantage: 3–2.

Enter Adam “Borris” Nordone. Like a magician in the circle, he intercepted a keeper’s sloppy clearance, thanking the player in the process of nutmegging the last defender for style points and calmly tapped in for 4–2. Moments later, another Borris missile found Mjölnir, who duly hammered home his second for 5–2 and halftime.

Emperor Steve Shaw delivered a rousing halftime speech — half pep talk, half TED Talk — and the Sevens stormed back out ready for more.

Richard “Tumble” Price, apparently training for a marathon, patrolled the right wing like a fire-breathing dragon guarding treasure, and perhaps unusually for him, managed to stay on his feet for most of the game as he looked to claim Man of the Match. His relentless running earned another penalty corner, and Messy once again conjured something special for 6–2.

Perhaps now cruising a little, a momentary lapse let Blackheath, who were far from giving up grab a third, much to the dismay of Stuart “Milk Tray” Peal, who made his feelings loudly known: 6–3.

No matter, Borris clearly channelling hockey Beckham, sent a pinpoint cross-field rocket to Riley “Well Played’ Gordon who, despite his somewhat gangly manner calmly weaved through two players before wrong-footing the keeper: 7–3.

Meanwhile, defenders Stuart “The Crab” Ingleston, Owen “The OG” Gosford, and Simon “Huge” Hunniball briefly considered starting an origami club during a lull – clearly missing the random incessant chatting of the missing Luce just in time for Blackheath to sneak in their fourth. 7–4. A furious Milk Tray roared, “No more!” and, he meant it.

In the final act, Carl “Friendly Fire” Bondzio sprayed a beauty across three-quarters of the pitch to Josh “J-Lo” Lowe making a glorious return and finding WPR for another cool finish: 8–4.

With seconds left, Messy decided the crowd deserved an encore. Weaving through everyone (including his own teammates), he tucked the ball away with a final flourish. Cue crowd eruption. Final whistle: 9–4.

We were able to grab an exclusive interview with skipper Mule: “What a start we had today – just textbook stuff, with every member of the team playing their part. But we were perhaps guilty of taking our foot off the gas for a period in the first half and this gave the opposition the chance to emphasise that they weren’t here today to just make up the numbers. The second half reflected more of what we can do when we play our brand of hockey, and there were some exceptional performances today – Tumble on the wing, J-Lo on this return after a year out and some Messy magic to boot just to mention a few standouts.

“However, we feel we can do better and, with some tough games coming up this month, we need to ensure we’re bringing it every time, as there are no easy games in this league. We may remain top of the table, but these are slim margins, and we can’t afford to be complacent – the likes of Sittingbourne just need just a slip up to change things. But for now, we’ll enjoy the win and regroup on Monday for training as we prepare for next week’s tricky fixture away to old foes Gillingham Anchorians.”