Canterbury vs Folkestone 7s

Folkestone 7s hit the road to Canterbury for an early morning clash, caffeine levels low (with the exception of the team who were catered exceptionally by Mrs Luce), optimism levels high.

The absence of their charismatic captain left a noticeable void (and a suspiciously quiet warm-up playlist). But in true crustacean style, The Crab (Stuart Ingleston) stepped up, steadying the ship, rallying the troops, and proving that when leadership calls, claws answer.

Returning from his extended “summer conditioning programme”, Messy (Matt Goodwin) slid back into midfield as if he’d never left, commanding, composed, and already barking tactical wisdom like a man with 400 appearances and a sponsorship.

The 7s started brightly. Mjolnir (Matt Carter) threatened early but was denied by Canterbury’s goalkeeper. A former 1XI GB and England keeper, because apparently Canterbury doesn’t believe in fair fights.

But class will always find a way. Messy and Mjolnir linked up with the kind of telepathy that makes WiFi look unreliable. Receiving the ball with his back to goal, Mjolnir spun and unleashed a thunderbolt into the top corner, the keeper rooted to the spot, presumably questioning his life choices. Goal 1 for the 7s.

The Moment of Magic

Then came Adam 'Borris' Nordone.
Receiving a pinpoint switch from MVG, he surged past defenders like they were traffic cones in a car park. Ignoring Mjolnir’s polite request for a pass (“Leave it, I’ve got this”), Borris cut inside maybe a yard or two from the baseline, unleashed a rocket, and nearly tore a hole in the top right back of the net. Goal. Of. The. Season. The crowd gasped. The bench applauded. Somewhere, Sky Sports added dramatic music.

Canterbury managed to sneak one back before half time, a neat finish past Milk Tray in goal (who otherwise spent most of the match producing highlight-reel saves). Crab’s half-time team talk was pure Churchillian magic, calm, confident, and just the right amount of “lads, do better.”

Second Half Mayhem

The second half was a siege. Chances came and went, HB ghosting into space like a shadow, OG working tirelessly to plug every gap in defense, Clive distributing passes with the serenity of a man conducting an orchestra, and Gizmo chasing down everything that moved (and several things that didn’t).

Then Mjolnir struck again. Another Messy assist, another piece of Scandinavian sorcery. From a ludicrously tight angle, Mjolnir smashed his reverse into the roof of the net, over the keeper’s shoulder, physics be damned.

Canterbury pulled one back late on, setting up a tense finale, but Folkestone held strong. Luce was everywhere, tackling, intercepting, encouraging, and still finding time to offer unsolicited fashion advice about sock length and how to get away with blatant kicking of the ball in hockey.

And finally, Andrew. The man, the myth, the magnet for stray balls. After bravely taking a direct hit from a 16-yard missile, a quick lie down, he shook it off with a grin and a quick “I’m fine.” Not all heroes wear capes, some just wear bruises. He’s officially a SEVEN in every sense.

Final Whistle

Folkestone 7s marched off the pitch 3-2 winners, a mix of elation, relief, and mild disbelief. Crab’s leadership, Messy’s midfield mastery, and Mjolnir’s Norse magic secured the points, but every single player left everything on the turf.

Goal of the Season contender? Absolutely.
Team of the Season performance? It’s getting close.

Penned by the Matt duo.