**Match Report: Folkestone Mighty 7s vs. Ashford Crusaders**

*Date: Saturday, 8th March*
*Venue: Three Hills Hockey Club*
*Weather: Sunny with a side of spectacular shenanigans*

It was a sun-soaked Saturday at Folkestone Hockey Club, the birds were chirping, the fans were buzzing. The atmosphere was electric as the Folkestone Mighty 7s took on the Ashford Crusaders in what promised to be a spectacular hockey showdown.

Folkestone wasted no time, scoring within the first few minutes and sending an early message to the Crusaders. The scoreboard ticked to 1-0 faster than you can say “too much sunscreen.” However, Ashford quickly retaliated, leveling the game at 1-1. Riley was on fire, having another stormer of a game, proving once again that he’s a force to be reckoned with when it comes to putting the ball in the net—or at least getting in everyone’s way in a charmingly effective manner.

As the whistle blew for halftime, the scoreline read Ashford 3, Folkestone 2. The Mighty 7s celebrated their lead while simultaneously facepalming over some missed opportunities. In a moment that will surely haunt Dan "The Mule" for weeks to come, he missed an open goal that could have sealed the game—a scene reminiscent of a deer caught in headlights or perhaps a slalom skier mistakenly heading off-piste. Speaking of misses, Borris had his penalty flick disallowed for taking multiple steps.

As the second half kicked off, Simpo came through with a commendable performance—this week he was nice enough not to maim anyone, a significant improvement by his standards. However, goalie Stuart Peall came dangerously close to losing his mind and possibly injuring teammate Stu "The Crab" in the process. Note to self: keep calm and avoid crabs in the goal area.

A chorus of whistles from the adjacent pitch briefly interrupted play, leading to a moment of confusion akin to a comedy of errors. Each umpire blew their whistle to help the teams identify whose signal was what—a necessary measure, but one that left everyone slightly bemused.

The highlight of the match unfolded as Elliott sprinted from one side of the pitch to the other, executing a brilliant run that culminated in a goal. It was a feat that would’ve made even the most seasoned NHL players drop their sticks in awe!

As if channeling winter sports skills fresh off the ski slopes, Mule decided to attempt skiing past an open goal, performing a move that left spectators questioning whether he’d mistakenly wandered onto a slalom course. Perhaps he was just warming up for a gold medal at the Winter Olympics!

Folkestone's third goal arrived courtesy of a beautiful assist from HB—a precision pass that would make even Xavi Hernandez proud. Meanwhile, the pint-sized Messy of the team managed an exquisite flick into the top of the goal, confirming he’s firmly anchored in the “little legends” hall of fame.

MVG, now rebranded as “The Fronz,” continued his remarkable streak, netting two goals today and proving he’s on fire—like a well-cooked steak at a barbecue!

Missing in action was top goal scorer Mjolnir, who was too busy riding rollercoasters at a theme park, celebrating with his golden stick like a man who's already lifted the trophy. One can only hope that the theme park had a "missed sitters" ride, specifically dedicated to Mule's antics!

In a fitting conclusion, the Bitter Mule won a penalty flick, and Captain Mule couldn’t be happier, especially with the biggest two games of the season looming in the next couple of weeks. He’s now heading off to France for warm weather recovery, a well-deserved getaway, and Mrs. Jane Mule will be thrilled with his overall performance.

As the final whistle blew, the score remained firmly in favor of Folkestone Mighty 7s at 6-3. As they basked in their victory, the hope is they remain at the summit of the league. Here’s to more sun-soaked shenanigans and memorable moments in the weeks to come!