The Optimists edged past bottom-of-the-table Burnt Ash 2s with a scrappy 1-0 win at Three Hills, courtesy of a solitary goal from Ben Allon, who combined DJ duties with match-winner status.

Pre-Match Entertainment

The squad warmed up with an impromptu changing-room cricket match in the showers, followed by the longest team talk in modern hockey history — a rambling tactical odyssey that left everyone more confused than motivated. The only bright spark before pushback came from Allon’s brief takeover of DJ duties; in the two-song window before warm-up, he managed to squeeze in a couple of absolute bangers.

First Half: The Big L

A capacity crowd of 17 die-hard fans watched on as the Optimists delivered a first half best described as… lethargic, loose, lazy — insert any L-word you like. The one L they desperately wanted to avoid, though, was Loss.

Chances came and went. A few penalty corners fizzled out, and even the promising front pairing of Rowe “Salah” and Jack Jimmins Timmins couldn’t find the finishing touch. The closest the hosts came was a Phil King strike that rattled the crossbar that must've woke up the die-hard fans that were by this point snoozing in the stands.

At the back, Ali Sutts Sutton, Tom Stone, and Jack Hagger were composed and stingy, snuffing out what little Burnt Ash could muster. The midfield four of King, Wardy, Tom “TJ” Jones, and Will “Baller” Ball ran and ran and ran — but by halftime, it was clear they ran out of ideas too.

Second Half: The Difference Maker

Early in the second half, a penalty corner was cleared off the line by a Burnt Ash foot — the kind of moment that usually earns a penalty stroke, but didn't.

No problem. Same routine, same injector, same outcome. Ben Allon coolly slotted the ball into the net to make it 1-0.

Please wait in your seats to assist with crowd dispersal.

From there, it was all about game management — a phrase meaning “Ben Allon dribble into the corner repeatedly until Burnt Ash got angry and started calling him mean words." One such attempt at clock-killing went awry when a bobble sent Hagger’s attempted control straight to a Burnt Ash forward, who bore down on goal. Cue Chris “Boots” Stephens, producing a full-stretch, camera-friendly save that kept the scoreline intact and preserved Folkestone’s blushes.

Final Whistle. Uno - Nil.

Far from pretty, but a win’s a win. Great teams find a way to grind out results, and the Optimists — unbeaten at home for over a year — did exactly that.

The result lifts Folkestone to second in the league, with a game in hand. Next up: Old Williamsonians (A) before a likely top-of-the-table showdown with Canterbury 5s on November 15th.

Two promotions, second in the league, and still very much in the hunt. Not bad ay?

See you next week — 4:30 p.m. away in Rochester. Oof.